Stop Fat Talk.

How many times have you chosen not to wear a certain outfit because of how it'll make you look? How many layers do you have to wear to feel like the only thing people will see is your face? Have you ever opted not to go out because you were having a fat day? 

How often do you avoid looking at yourself in the mirror after you get out of the shower?

We seek the attention of others to disprove what we feel about ourselves. 

Girls chatter about how good that sweater looks, and then continues to say how she could never wear that because her muffin-tops would show. Men are told they're not allowed to be self conscious that it's feminine to feel like they're fat, so they turn to humor to cover up their emotions. Or they feel like to be a man you have to be over-sexualized and strive to be so muscular that you couldn't scratch your own back if you tried. 

In order to rise other people up we have to belittle ourselves. 

If something called you fat, or a pig, or chubby you would defend yourself and maybe even lash out at your accuser. You call yourself the same thing, so what's wrong? 

Stop identifying yourself with something that if said by another person, it's offensive.

Look at your body naked for one minute, then find something positive to say about it. Be comfortable in your own skin. Even if it starts small, gradually you'll start seeing more things that are beautiful.

You are the one person you have to live with everyday, no matter what. Loving yourself is a learning process. It starts with ending self-hate and fat talk.

Bringing in the New Year the right way.

Every year we come up with New Year's resolutions. Some want to lose weight, others want to save money or travel. The common factor is that we aim to do something that we felt was lacking in the years past. It's after the reflection of the previous 364 days that we see the type of person we were, and try to modify it according to who we want to be.

I encourage all of you not a New Years resolution, but a life one. Try to be apart of something that is bigger than yourself.

It doesn't have to be monetary. It could be reaching out to someone, letting them know you're thinking about them. It could be volunteering somewhere. You have this important life that has potential to make a significant impact.  Find something you care about and react to it.

The worst thing you can do is waste your love and talents when there's so much you can do to utilize them. Use whatever is in your hand to complete what is in your heart.

Each day is a new opportunity to exercise humility. Be thankful and when you're done with that be thankful some more. If you're reading this, you are already more fortunate than over a quarter of the world. Even if your bank account is empty and it seems like you're just climbing the mountains of your problems, be thankful.

We give this super power to the new year. It's a blank slate. A chance to write a new chapter.

Do not belittle this power. But instead of thinking about what you want to change about yourself, think about what you want to change about the world.

Self Actualization: Giving the Hierarchy of Needs a New Perspective

For those of you who took a high school or intro class to Psych, know of a little man named Abraham Maslow. This guy came up with a hierarchy of needs based on the idea that if one need is met then you are able to move on to the next layer of needs each getting more complex and difficult  to achieve.

Bottom layer consists of: Food, Water, Shelter, Air, Sleep
Next: Safety and Security
Third: Belonging, Love, and Love based on growth and not deficiency
Fourth: Self- respect, Self-esteem, and positive feelings as a result of admiration
Finally: Self Actualization


Bottom layer is common sense. Without any of those mentioned you would literally perish. In achieving a consistent amount of those you will start feeling secure in your sense of survival. A little more confidence and consistency you will start to feel safe.  Easy Peasy.

Now the next two are the ones that I believe are mixed up. In my opinion, that chart is telling me that I need to be loved to have self-esteem or self-respect. It is also telling me that I should base my self worth on the admiration of others. Now it is true, we are not meant to do life alone. We are a community and social species. However, I do not agree with basing how others feel about me is how I know how I should feel about myself.

How are you ever going to know how to love others if you cannot love yourself? There is no way a person can say positive things to other people and be sincere, but can't say those same things to themselves in the mirror.

One of the key things to self-actualization is self-love. First and foremost you need to know that you were wonderfully made and that you have purpose in this life. Then you have to believe it, and live it. Once you're able to love yourself, people will be able to smell it on you (a pheromone perfume if you will) and be attracted to you. You'll be able to show that love to other people which is another key ingredient to self-actualization. The ability to love your fellow man and to show it.

Have grace for each other. It is in our nature to be offensive sometimes without even knowing it. The best thing you can do is to forgive and show love even if your mind is telling your to tear them down. You will be able to do that by first learning self-respect, and self-esteem, not after learning love and how to belong.

What is the legacy you want to leave behind in this world? The real meaning of life is your own personal journey but two things are consistent; Loving yourself and loving others.